< SWITCH ME >

A lot of people have an image of what Axel's relationship is like. Whilst some guys pat him on the back in admiration, others dread the pressure they imagine that Axel has to face in the bedroom. Axel's girlfriend is, as he calls it, a fully fledged sexpert, and he tells us why her sexpertise makes him feel safe.

I should have seen it coming. All the signs were there from the start.

Thirty seconds into our first kiss she withdrew and got serious. "So do you want a relationship or not?" she asked. "Right, then we're going to have to lay down some rules."

queenofhearts_issue14
Photo: Smallest Forest (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)
Axel has his own Queen of Hearts

No joke. She took control from the start. Wanted clear definitions. Not your average 17-year old brunette, I could see that, but I was still too naïve to see what lay ahead.

"Do you watch porn, and if yes, what kind and how often? How do you think it impacts on your sexuality and your relationship to women? Do you respect your mother?"

I did my best to answer correctly, but I guess I was too shocked to see what it all meant.

Then came the book. Female Chauvinist Pigs fed the fire in her voice, and it became impossible to watch American comedies without also sitting through a lecture on the contradictions of American sexuality.

A library membership later, and sex-books lay in piles by our bed. As university approached, it finally dawned on me. Without quite understanding how I had got there, I was dating a girl on her way to become a fully fledged sexpert, aiming for a masters in Sexology.

People always have something to say about it. "Wow, that must be incredible," is what I get from the lads. "God, how do you live up to that?" say the more cynical.

Neither of them have got it right. The lads have her confused with another kind of sex worker. And for you cynics - her awareness of the female orgasm does not mean she expects me to hand out multiple issues of it every time she gets restless legs. The opposite really. Since she is aware of how common my inadequacies are, she knows her chances of scoring better are low. Bully for me.

Her awareness of the female orgasm does not mean she expects me to hand out multiple issues of it every time she gets restless legs.

To further improve my odds, she gave me a crash course in how it all works. There I was, had barely kissed a girl before, and suddenly she was telling me what to tickle and what to dodge. I cannot thank her enough. A girl's body is like a minefield with a few treasures scattered here and there. Directions are gold if you want to hit the spot.

She put me through emotional boot-camp as well. We would talk about our problems until every layer had been peeled off. The onion metaphor is called for, because we would often cry, and I guess it was about time I developed that skill. It's nice, being able to solve problems instead of just creating them.

HeadpictureAxel Nygren

Axel is originally from Stockholm but is studying BA Journalism and Contemporary History in London.

"Europe will always be the place where you can have a bratwurst for breakfast in Berlin, an absinth in Prague to cleanse your pallet, goulash for a late supper in Budapest, and finish up with an espresso in a Venice train station the next morning.

It is where I met two crazy Danes and ended up sharing a mouldy mattress in a restaurant warehouse in Zurich. A lifetime will only allow you to discover a fraction of what Europe is."

Most of all I love that she knows herself. I pity the poor souls who date insecure, sexually confused, typical teenagers. How do you know she is not driven by some deep-rooted father issue? Or trying to make someone else jealous?

A girl's body is like a minefield with a few treasures scattered here and there.

And are you not terrified that she might just be pretending to like your moves? When Harry Met Sally taught us that they can all fake it, so we need more than moans to be sure the job is done. When you get it all spelled out to you, at least you know where you are.

That is why I put up with her nagging about sexist commercials. And about how ice-hockey breeds machismo. And how female footballers are just as good, and their games as entertaining, as the male versions. Because all in all, her sexpertise makes me feel safe.

So find a sexpert and make her yours. Especially if you pride yourself on a lively imagination. Because remember, no matter how twisted, fantastic or dirty your fantasies might be, they're not going to shock her. She will have seen much worse.

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